Hello All,

3 years ago a therapist that I had seen during a crisis diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. When I initially read the signs and symptoms I did not identify with the description at all. In fact, I actually "like" my personality and feel that most people do and felt that there was no way I could have a personalty disorder.

3 years later I finally am accepting and acknowledging the possibility that BDP may actually perfectly describe my mental/emotional aptitude. My best friend who is considerably older than me, decided that she did not want to continue our friendship. That is already hard enough, but I am actually the Godmother of her two amazing kids, and I am very close to her entire family. To up the ante even more, I recently moved to the city where she lived. Not necessarily for her - I thought long and hard and actually evaluated this decision for several years before I made the move. But, I figured that I would have a present support system, and less daily stress than I had in the city that I moved from which was a huge and stressful city.

Sometimes I drink a lot, and I dont even know why. What I do know is that when I drink it usually around my cycle, and that is usually when I'm in periods of high stress. Otherwise, I have fairly good control over my drinking. My best friend and I's friendship was strained a month ago. This is when I began to learn that the BDP diagnosis may be accurate. I went into a tailspin when she wasn't perceptively there for me. She eventually came back around and we fixed it only to end up in a huge argument a month later because I was drinking when she came to pick me up to go to her son's game. Earlier that week, I had met my real biological father for the first time. I travel a lot for work, and my flight had gotten cancelled and I had to stay in a hotel another night. That's when the drinking started, and I continued it into the next day.

I've considered AA, but from what I now understand about BDP, AA may not treat the real issue. The real issue is that I moved around A LOT as a kid. I was the step-daughter of a military father. My mom pointed out recently, there were so many times in my early childhood where we had to leave our "normal" at the drop of a dime including a very scary time when we lived in Turkey during Desert Storm and had to literally pick up our life and move within 4 hours, while leaving my step dad to fight the war. I am close to my my now, but after she split with my step dad when I was 10, she became abusive even up into my adulthood. We had a very tragic incident in which she went to jail for punching me in the mouth when I was 25. I love her like crazy, but realize my relationship with her has caused some serious issues in my adulthood. Those issues have caused me to consistently attach myself to "maternal figures' and do ANYTHING I can to avoid detachment from those figures. Enter my relationship with my best friend, she is the most recent. I met her when I was 21. I am 35 now. Separating with a best friend is already hard, but now that I understand the nature of my attachment, it is extremely difficult.

Part of me wants to stay in my new city. It yeidls a host of other benefits. People are nice. Im not stresses gong to the grocery store or don't have to wait in long lines to go out to eat. But I feel like being here is only going to keep me "stuck in her story" which may not be good for me long term. Moving would require me to break my lease, and I just depleted my finances to move here. Any thoughts or feedback would be very helpful.