My session yesterday was difficult. I had so much I wanted to say but as soon as I got there the words wouldn't come. I told T I was sorry about the email and she didn't say something like "that's okay" instead she went straight asking "what happened". I know exploration is a major part of psychodynamic therapy but sometimes I feel like T focuses too much on it. Now I have no idea if the email was okay or not or if T is mad/disappointed with me. I guess I am going to have to ask her next time and make sure I don't get derailed into more exploration before getting an answer.

The first half of the session involved a lot of silence and "I don't knows" from me but I think by the second half we slowly started getting somewhere. T pointed out that I might have been holding back because of my trip coming up, like I don't want to get too close only to not see her for another 3 weeks. I think that's true. Anyway, the good part of the session came right at the end when T said goodbye. She said, "see you later my sweet, take care". T has never used any sort of term of endearment before and she said so quickly I think it may have been a slip of the tongue. For a couple of seconds though T dropped that super professional psychodynamic persona. I made a mental note to remember that moment whenever I think T doesn't like me or is mad at me.