I'm scared. I REALLY want to go back into hospital but I don't want to fall behind in school more than I already have. I'm really torn. Do I want safety, or success in society. I really don't want to ruin my life any more than I already have, but I don't feel stable enough for the real world. I just need somewhere safe and structured. I know this is weird, but I dream of living in a hospital in my own little room where I can be as crazy as I want. There's something wrong with me, and I hate myself for it. I just don't think that there is a place for me in society. There is no way for people like me to succeed, so we rot away at the bottom of the ladder, frowned upon by the successful.

I don't want to be independent - please don't make me.