Hi all,

I'm 18 years old and about to graduate from high school. Throughout my life, I would say that my mom has been my best friend. My siblings are 9 and 12 years older than me, so I mostly grew up as an only child, and my dad has always worked 12-hour days so it has usually just been the two of us. I was mostly fine with this growing up -- sometimes I did feel that I was unable to invite friends over or make plans with other people for fear of leaving my mom alone, or hurting her feelings because she wasn't included.

Last June, I got my first job and became close with my coworkers. Over time, I revealed how close my mom and I were, and a lot of them responded with surprise. I didn't realize how unusual it was for a mom and daughter to be so close. We live on a very tight schedule, so I guess a lot of the things we do are unusual (eat dinner at 3:00, take a 2 mile walk together at 5:30, watch tv together every night from 8:00-10:00, have family "movie night" every Saturday night) and when I say every night or every week, I mean every day/week, without fail.

As a senior in high school, I take college classes full-time instead of going to high school, so I also met my first boyfriend in my geology class last year. I knew immediately that it was going to be a problem because I've never hung out with anybody outside of school, and my mom was going to have a hard time adjusting. She does not have any outside friends either, and her life mostly resolves around me and my two nieces, truthfully.

As my boyfriend and I have gotten closer, I have spent less and less time with my mom. I growing up and becoming more independent, and even though I still value and appreciate our relationship and friendship, I want her to realize that I need to do things on my own. However, she has continually said that I have been "treating her like ****," "ignoring her feelings," etc. etc. She blows up at least once a week and then gives me the silent treatment for a few days, insisting that she is not "angry" but "hurt."

For example, last week I had to find a musical performance for my music appreciation class. I mentioned this to her and she took it upon herself to find a concert for me to attend, which ended up being a school choir concert on Friday at 5:00. That morning, I was planting a garden with my boyfriend and mentioned the concert, and he said that we could maybe find a more interesting performance together, so we found a music festival at a nearby town the next night. I texted my mom to let her know, knowing already that she was going to react negatively. She said I was being "rude and thoughtless and mean" and "inconsiderate" simply because I didn't want to go to the choir performance. Later, she added that she had been planning to go with me, which she had failed to mention before. If I had known that she was going to go, I would have gone.

I'm not allowed to drive home from my boyfriend's house at night because it's a 30-minute drive on a country road and, "there have been a lot of accidents on that road." It's frustrating because I always have to be watching the clock to make sure that I am home by dark, but she has no problem with me driving elsewhere at night. My dad isn't any help because he just goes along with whatever she says.

She and my sister used to be extremely close too, but when my sister turned 18 she also began to cut ties and my mom couldn't deal with it. Now they don't speak at all. I don't want us to end up the same way, but I can't see how she is going to come to terms with my growing up. I still spend every day with my mom, but she says that I am not the same person and that she is "worried" about me. She has mentioned several times that I need to see a psychiatrist, and the other day she said that the people at work have "poisoned me" because I started acting different when I began to work there.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her but I need to live my own life. Any help, please?