Quote:
Originally Posted by sinking
Actually SHE came to me the other day, crying and saying she is sorry and now understands, and blah blah blah, but i dont believe her. She doesnt understand and never will. I think she wanted to get rid of the guilty feelings, only that she made ME feel guilty for not forgiving her. I cant. Not until now, at least. And this is somethong that bothers me a lot.
Today instead, she asked me some personal questions to which i didnt want to answer so i lied to her. I dont like lying to her, but i felt forced to. I hated it and hated her for being so curious. She is so smothering. Thats what i hate about her. I know her motives are good and she doesnt want to bother me but she does. I guess thats why sons/daughters go living alone at my age. But i dont have a good enoough job to afford having a place on my own. Not yet... im sure things would go a lot better if i had my own place...
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Hahaha, why are we so similar towards seeing our parents this way?
My parents both have a stubborn, asian approach to seeing their child. Both are kind and experienced, but one difficult ordeal to overcome, is hearing nasty-truths through his poisonous tongue.
I'm forced to lie to my dad because he does not offer me comfortable assurance even when he tries to assure us that he is open to communication. Maybe it's the past that I can't get over how he used to have toxic responses to argument, overreactions and wanting himself to win every argument.
I nearly had a meltdown last week over a family dinner, when on one hand he said he's open to communication and the other hand he said that those who disagreed with him, should pack up and leave the house. Just like the western culture. This utterly pissed me off and the family's weekly conversation just died like this.
Our parents and us....it's like we have genuine intent to communicate with each other.But in the process of building the bridge, one subconsciously rely on their own method and end up collapsing the bridge before it even reach 1/4 of the mark.