Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger
I have a similar experience. I believe I mentioned this before. When I was younger my father criticized me on everything I said or did. So, I learned not to do or say anything. But even then, I was criticized of being silent. I believe that is why I developed social anxiety. However, my father didn't stop there. The other day he sat down with me and criticized me, very harshly. He criticized me on one occasion why I didn't say anything. And he criticized me on another occasion when I managed to speak, telling me that I must speak better, while mocking me on what I said. As I said, when I talk, I tend to be naive and simple, and say foolish things. I believe my father is not alone in feeling this way, because no one respects me, and I guess it is because of that.
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Mr. S, tying this in with one of your other threads - do you feel what's transpired is that due to your exposure to the influence of your father's energy (his critical mindset & his emotions) and through no fault of your own, that you've more or less experienced an
internalizing of how your father thinks/feels/perceives as it relates to your self-image? In other words that you may have taken on his mental/emotional energy and made it your own? If this unfolded it would have happened on a subconscious level (below your conscious awareness)....
To give you an example of how this relates to my own life... My father was a chronic-worrier and someone who identified with a rather pessimistic, glass half empty type of mindset and perception of 'life'... During my childhood and adolescence, I found myself experiencing these same tendencies and inclinations. Only at the time, I was too young and inexperienced to understand the psychological dynamics behind what had played out, and how we can experience taking on and internalizing the mental/emotional states of our parents and others who had a strong influence in our development... So while I'm going through all that - there is this perception that what I was experiencing must just have been
my nature, my doing, and just how I am... My internal state - which in this context was strongly influenced by my environment and upbringings - became my 'sense of self'... It wasn't until later in life and after a good deal of internal growth that I found myself arriving at the awareness of understanding just how I came to be that way and how external factors & circumstances significantly contributed to me being that way.
Can you perhaps relate to any of this?