Dear T.

I don't really know what to say. You realised something today didn't you. It was a very useful exercise. Maybe I realised something too. I knew it, but I am not sure if I saw it. I hit those very messed up bits of me. I think you are right that we (the two parts of me) have been fighting each other for a long time. Both confused. Both hurt. Both lost and alone. Both sad. Both wanting something different but with no idea how to go about it. I still don't think that we know, but maybe that's OK. Just acknowledging each other like that is probably a good thing. I didn't tell you but the reason I didn't want to touch it was because I was scared. Terrified. That would have been a good one to get into too. For that short few seconds I felt real fear. Then the desire to hit it. But it is a part of me. If the anger came from fear then maybe that is the root cause.

I feel drained, but not so stuck. Not so overwhelmed. Not so locked down as I was.

I will look after myself.

I didn't get a chance to tell you the other thing I wanted to tell you, but I bet you can probably guess that you will be receiving an email from me, and because I think that you care, I think that you will reply as soon as you are able.

I also think that you realised today that I really am alone with all of this. There literally is no one, except you,and in that moment you showed up for me. Thank you.