Early on I wanted to give up treatment. This was especially true as I was starting to get better on medication. My wife told me I would probably be on medication for the rest of my life. I don't want that for anyone, including myself. I thought about quitting the medication because I don't want to be sedated.

When I'm leveled out, there isn't much that can get me to dip one way or the other on their own. I worry that I'm not going to display emotion and be a robot. At times I feel like I am. When I'm cycling I feel alive, but the emotions scare me because they are extreme highs and extreme lows.