I have four adult kids. They are all wonderful in their own ways. Three of them are MUCH better people than I am.

My oldest son suffers from depression that I don't want to use as an excuse, also...I know I am not to blame for this because I also have depression and it's a blameless illness. But it most certainly is relevant to this post. He is not "successful" nor is he motivated. He is a kind, compassionate, talented human being.

It is pointless to ask how to motivate someone else....and we have tried it all...

My problem is how do I stop blaming myself for what I see as a failure on our parts? I don't even know HOW we failed him as they were all raised the same and the other three are doing very well....

I don't think it's right to want to put my finger on the why's and how's....nor do I think it right to be punishing myself as I have for years. I DON'T KNOW how to NOT do these things....

I cry endless tears over what I see as a failing in myself...Trust me, I have given myself that talk that I am a human being and, as such, am imperfect. But this is someone else's life that I have somehow impacted negatively. That's not something to EVER forgive myself for.