I'm sorry for your very unhappy situation. I would be horribly depressed were I in your shoes. And now your second child on the way. I think you've got a bigger mess on your hands than you even realize. You have, since way back when you were single, been rationalizing yourself into believing and agreeing to ridiculous crazy things, in order to hold onto this man. Now you see what it has come to, which is what it was bound to come to. But you're still in denial, still rationalizing, still employing tortured logic to minimize the absurdity of this relationship. Your whole mode of thinking is to make excuses for this man and keep doing that, until you'll wish you had never been born. And, while his behavior is beyond what is even remotely tolerable, you tolerated it because you so feared losing him. That's how little you thought of yourself going way back, and that's how much if a great catch you thought this guy was.

He's a philanderer. He wants a wife who'll put up with a philanderer. And that's pretty much what you presented yourself as. Going through the wedding ceremony, as you found out just hours when it was over, changed nothing.

What you tolerated before marriage, you are expected to tolerate after. That's how it works. But you thought you had control with this mousetrap of a negotiated deal you had worked out. That was all a delusion. You said to yourself, "I'll give this guy permission to do what he likes before marriage, in exchange for him agreeing to be a stand-up guy afterwards." This allowed you to cling to the fantasy that he was on his way to becoming the man you wanted.

He's not your best friend. He never was. This isn't just a "recent rough patch." He doesn't "hate seeing [you] unhappy." It hasn't been a happy relationship for 10 years. This is all the stuff you tell yourself to avoid the truth. This was never a wonderful relationship.

I was going to say that you should tell him all outside flirtation has to stop and all - I mean - all contact with this woman has to cease. But he's not going to stop. He can't. This is who he is.

Go ahead and undertake therapy. Maybe it can help you. Mainly you have to not enter into insane arrangements that you think are controlable. Quite frankly, I'ld say leave this guy now.