You are different, little cat, in an important respect. You have insight. I'll be the first to acknowledge that insight isn't all it's been cracked up to be. That's why I'm not the hugest fan of therapy. Knowing what's wrong is important. But that alone changes nothing.

There's what happens to us . . and . . there's how we think about what has happened to us. It's the latter that makes or breaks us. A rock sits passively in a riverbed. Rushing water scours the rock with currents carrying sand and smaller pebbles. The rock is eroded and reshaped. That's us when we are being shaped by what happens to us. But we are more than rocks, or can be, if we choose to be.

I see so many threads every day that go like this: "My self-esteem was destroyed by parents who abused/neglected/exploited me, and now I'm nothing because of what was done to me." Or "my spouse robbed me of my self-worth" or "I was bullied in school (which usually means: "other kids insulted me,") so now I have a horrible life and no ability to socialize with others." Always the bottom line is. "People treated me like I was nothing, so - naturally - now I'm nothing." That rings hollow to my ears. It's the ultimate alibi . . . the consummate excuse-making . . . a way of saying: "I'm a victim and responsible for nothing."

It used to be that when a woman's husband or boyfriend abused her child, the law mainly went after the guy. Increasingly, women are being regarded as having a "duty to protect." Likewise, when you are an adult, you have a "duty to protect" yourself. Sometimes it's hard. But that's exactly what self-esteem springs from - discovering that you can do what's hard and that you are the boss of you.