I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. Whatever creativity I once had is long since gone at this point. But when I was young I thought of myself as a creative person. Boy did I have big dreams! But they all just gradually dissipated as the years went by.

Like you, one of the things I often would think about was... well... what's the point if nobody's going to notice. I do think, to some extent one of the things that perhaps contributes to this is isolation. I've always been a pretty solitary sort of person. So it was easy to get down on myself & succumb to depression & defeatist thinking.

Sometimes, I think, we need to have the opportunity to feed off of others' enthusiasm... be around other people who are treading more-or-less the same path. It's sort-of the whole concept behind the third of the three jewels of Buddhism... the Buddha, the Dharma & the Sangha... the Sangha being the community of people who are following the Buddhist path. Perhaps, what would be helpful for you would be to try to figure out a way to get with other musicians who can inspire you & whom you in turn can inspire. Just a thought...