The two of you made a mistake. He now realizes it, but you don't. It is a mistake for two people to start living together when they've not known each other more than six months.

The two of you met and became enamoured. So far, so good. The normal, healthy, sensible thing to do would have been to continue seeing each other and see what happens. Then over the course of about another year you would have had some fun, gotten in some fights and - possibly - begun to fall in love. Then after another 6 months, or so, you could have talked about committing to each other.

But you guys jumped the gun. You were each lonely and decided to latch on to a quick fix. Sadly you robbed yourselves of the very important experience of falling in love naturally and at an unrushed pace . . . of making a committment when it was clear you both wanted to be stuck with each other for the long haul, despite having gotten to really know each other - faults, virtues and all.

He now, very sensibly, realizes he jumped into something prematurely. You're so thrilled to be nesting with a man that you see nothing amiss in how all this came down. "I need a man. He turns me on. I'll grab him now and get to know him later." Bad plan. Of course you feel insecure. Nothing about this 6 month whirlwind affair can produce security. Falling in love securely takes time. That's why they invented "courtship." The word may sound old-fashioned, but it's a darn good way to do things.

You cheated yourself, and I'm sorry. With all the care you're taking to educate yourself and prepare for a good life, you had a right to expect to find a good person, fall in love and make plans together.

It's not all on you, though you are the person responsible for securing your happiness. Your boyfriend is far from home and family, and that gets pretty dreary when a guy is past age 30. Where the two of you live, was that your apartment and he moved in . . . or vice versa?

The idea that you can fix this by exiting the house or apartment for a few hours, or a day, or more, to give him space is - quite frankly - nuts. The space he needs is not square footage with you out of it. He realizes now that he more or less got married without hardly intending to. You could leave town for a week, but he is still living with you.

This is hard to retro-actively fix. But maybe you can. You have to let go of him. Encourage him to move out (if this was originally your apartment.) (Or you move out, if this was originally his place.) Yes, you risk losing him, but you're losing him now anyway. You have him, but not in the way you want. So rewind the tape and go back to each of you living in your own space. Then date. Do things right how you should have done in the first place. Maybe you two will actually fall in love. Give yourselves the gift of letting that happen, by taking the chance that it may not.