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Because this existed before our relationship, and because our relationship was open for so long (even though this fell outside our rules), he didn't think to tell me.
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No, he
chose not to tell you. He blatantly violated the rules and he chose not to tell you.
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He hates seeing me unhappy.
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If this were actually true, the solution is simple and he already would have done it: stop
all contact with the other woman.
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He has been completely reasonable and accommodating about all of my requests.
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Have you asked him to stop all contact with the other woman? That is the true, and the
only, test of how reasonable and accommodating he is.
It is really just impossible for me to fathom the depth of disrespect and callousness involved in the decision to flirtatiously connect with another woman
on your wedding night. No wonder you are horribly depressed.
If he doesn't stop with this other woman,
completely stop, your life will just continue as it is now: unhappy, depressed, lonely, feeling worthless. How willing are you to accept that--for you and for the children that he is supposed to be raising with you? If you are not willing to accept that, my advice is to tell him the following:
1. he has to tell her permanent goodbye at once,
today
2. He has to block her on every possible form of communication, and
3. you will leave him forever if he speaks to her after today.