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That is were our disagreement takes place I can not change how she thinks and that just makes me feel the needs somebody else by her side, someone that is different and will accept her with whatever lifestyle she wants.
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This is quite possible.
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And more than anything i want to give her that trust for her to be able to talk to me i just don't know how to react to her "I want to, I miss.." comments.
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Here is how you can react if you so choose.
In "reflective listening", listeners do not take positions on what the other person is saying. Instead, what they do is
acknowledge what was said and
show that they understand it, without judging it.
So for example, if she were to say: "I really miss drugs."
A reflective listener might say "It sounds like the yearning for drugs is particularly strong right now."
This response does not say that the yearning is good or bad. The response just acknowledges the yearning, without judging it one way or the other, and proves that the listener understands what is being said. In other words,
communication has taken place. The speaker knows that she has been understood without being judged. She is not alone with her thoughts, yearnings, emotions. And, no one is trying to impose conclusions on her. She has a safe connection with the listener.
To use this approach, you would need to be willing (during the conversation) to let go of your judgments about drugs. This definitely does not mean that now you are okay with drugs. What it means is that you are making your goal to be listening to her without judgment, rather than trying to influence her not to use.
What is your reaction to this approach?