I'm sorry to hear about your trouble, but I believe that you are very, very brave that you don't just throw it all away, but that you are trying everything to save your marriage.

Adult children of alcoholics and childhood sexual abuse do the weirdest things that defy any kind of logic. But I think this can be overcome. I can highly recommend to participate in ACoA online meetings, it has been very valuable for me.

All the best wishes and stay strong!!!