Besides feeling damaged, you have also spoken about how much you have and are overcoming. Hopefully, as time goes on you will think less about the traumatic parts of your life. I think a certain amount of codependency is OK and in relationships--there is always an element of taking the good with the bad. However, it is so important to be careful not to motivate people's behaviors through fear and punishment. Positive reinforcement, especially when it comes from a feeling of love will just make everyone feel so much better. I wonder how many of us became MI because anxious people were trying to control us through fear and punishment? <<hugs>>