Hi t. I am still feeling very sad about the things you said the other day. I'm not sure I'm even going to want to face you on Wednesday. I will probably drive there anyway because I feel like I 'should' and y'know I can see myself doing this - stopping at the top of your road and texting you that I'm a minute and a half away but don't know what to say to you and feeling afraid that you don't want me there after all. If that's true that you don't then please cancel. I don't want to come there and feel unwelcome. that would be so crushing. T I am at the lowest point that I've been at in a very long time. Maybe I'm already crushed. At least I'm not crying anymore. I'm just sad. Sad about what you said, sad that I really don't know you at all, sad that you probably don't want me there, sad that I want to be there. Sad that I still love you. Maybe this was meant to happen and there's nothing we can do to change it. (I don't want responses to this. I just needed to write it out somewhere that it won't get lost.)