Hello taosoul: Well... I don't know if there is a lot I can offer with regard to this. From what you wrote it doesn't sound as though this lady has really dealt with what happened to her growing up. And that being the case, what I would expect would be that she is unlikely to change significantly... at least not for the better. And, assuming that is the case, I think what you're going to have to come to terms with is if your feelings for this woman are sufficient to overcome the limitations you're currently experiencing. Only you know the answer to that question.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!