I had many diagnosis's before the BP1 one. When I got the BP diagnosis about 4 years ago it was a shock at first but now I totally accept the diagnosis. Especially since i had my first manic psychotic break. When stable or manic i can wonder if it is real and want to go off my meds but that is rare now. Maybe writing down all the symptoms you have had since getting unwell will help you see a pattern. Talking to your pdoc about that would help too.