So I sent this to my mom, aunt and daughter....

To my loved ones,

I wish I could tell you exactly what I need from you. But I can’t. Having bipolar disorder means my symptoms often change, so what I need from you one day may be different the next.

I have bipolar I, which is to say that my manic episodes are severe and may include psychosis. This means that during those times, I am not myself and will not listen to reason. I may need to be put in a hospital, depending on the severity of the episode. I need for you to understand that the things I say and do while manic are not coming from me, but from a place of disordered thinking that is out of my control. I need you to love me anyway. I know that might be asking a lot.

It scares me sh$tless, knowing that at times I may be psychotic and unable to control my thoughts and actions. Hopefully, my medicine prevents that, but … I wish I could tell you it will never happen again.

When I’m depressed, I need you to understand that I can’t help my negative thinking. I’m trying as hard as I can, but it’s not always possible to work myself out of it. It takes time. I wish I could tell you things are good and I have a positive outlook on life, but the fact is I feel rather hopeless.