You need to get out of this relationship. Leave him, take your children, and get out. There are agencies, people who can help you, and protect you. Find their help, and get out.

Now, that being said, please allow me to put this into context. I am a pastor of a conservative Baptist Church. My belief is that marriage is a life-long commitment that, only under very rare circumstances should be broken. This is one of those circumstances. If all you have said is true (and I am not doubting your honesty) he is controlling, manipulative, dishonest; he is a 'control freak' and does not care about you as a wife, mother, partner. You deserve better than this, but more than that, my concern is that this situation has the potential to turn dangerous for you. If he can do all these things, then he has the ability to hurt you.

Honestly, I don't feel that there is a "marriage" left to save. Your safety, and the safety of your children are key here; the most important thing to consider. You said he is good to them, but please remember that he has been violent toward you; he has the capability to be violent to them as well. If you leave, and don't take them, my concern is that his aggressive behavior will turn toward them. I'm being open with you here - I fear that with you being gone, his sexual frustrations may be directed toward your daughter. I realize that you may feel you need to take up for him in this area if you don't believe he would be capable of molesting his own daughter, but as an 'outsider' I feel it is possible. It wouldn't be the first time that something like that happened, and unfortunately it wouldn't be the last...

If you have been able to take the time to read this, please consider it carefully. Look at the situation objectively. If someone you cared about came to you and told you all of the things that you have said, what would your concerns be for her? What would your advice be to her?

I feel very strongly about this situation for some reason, and would never recommend that you leave your husband (for good) if I didn't. This is a unique situation. And one that I honestly can understand from a personal perspective. I was once in a dating relationship with a woman who was very much like your husband; very controlling, and manipulative. I thank God that we never married. We dated for a very long time, but once I was finally able to leave the relationship behind, I felt as if a 50-ton weight had been lifted from my body. My nightmares ended, my depression lightened very much, and I was able to enjoy a normal life again. I don't want to even imagine where my life would have been had I actually married her.

But I can imagine where your life can be without him in it. The first year or so will be difficult, but you need to stay strong and don't give up on yourself. Find help - it's out there - and get you and your children out of this situation. Life will become something beautiful again for you.

One more tidbit - stay on this site. If he finds your profile before you can get out, make a new one. The people here are wonderful, very supportive and positive. We all have our problems; that's why we're here. To find the support we need, and to offer any support we can. Feel free to message me if you would like to talk more. I'm praying for you.