Hi Jason,

I see that this is your first post. Wanted to welcome you to PC and hope that you find a supportive community here.

It's beyond disheartening to hear of such dysfunctional family dynamics. Just because we are adults, doesn't mean hurts and strife magically disappear. It's a grieving process, for sure, because afterall what would seem like obvious lifetime healthy dynamics aren't there and cannot be forced as change.
I've had a sporatic and estranged relationship throughout most of my life, with my own father. As a result of that relationship, I lost out on necessary bonding with a half sister, 16yrs my younger. Even in my late teens, he, according to statements made to another family member, believed in a stubbornly had himself convinced, that it was up to me to forge the father/daughter relationship. I'm a mom now and I'll tell you, as up and down as life with kids can be, it's my responsibility to them to work at it. If I'm not leading the charge, how are they to know what steps to take? My late mom instilled that in me.
Regardless of why your mom is stunted in that, it's no excuse and it's truly up to her to be a parent. Maybe she doesn't desire the common dependent adult child, but from you do write you really sound full of independence and can do. Pat your self on the back.
Maybe she will be open to a repair or maybe she won't. That's a reflection on her and not you.

You're not alone!

Welcome to PC