Hello ICE: Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you are suffering under the weight of this tragic situation. I read through the other replies that have been left so far, as well as having read your post. And I want to say that I would have to agree with what others have written.

You need to find a way to get both yourself & your children away from this situation. You are being enslaved & tortured. And your children are watching it happen. I know you wrote their father spoils them with love & affection. But, at least from my perspective, the damage that is being done to their psyches, watching what is being done to you, is going to haunt them all their lives.

The fact is no one can put up, for long, with the kind of abuse you are enduring. You wrote that you have no idea what you were thinking when you began the affair with your coworker. What occurs to me is that you were seeking the love & support you were not (& still are not) getting at home. Sadly, what you found was another man who appears to be just as self-absorbed & abusive as your husband. As a result, you've now been victimized twice. At some point, once you hopefully have been able to secure your own safety & that of your children, hopefully you will be able to arrange to spend some time working with a therapist who has experience working with survivors of domestic abuse. Otherwise, I fear, you may well find yourself falling into yet another abusive relationship at some point in the future. Your children may well be in need of therapy services too.

Of course it's one thing for us, here on PC, to tell you to find a way out of this abusive situation as fast as possible. It's quite another thing for you to figure out how to make it happen. Certainly, if there is a possibility of contacting your family & enlisting their help & support that may be one way. And depending on where you live there may be human services organizations that can help. One on-line resource that may be of some help is the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 799-7233 :

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

I pray that, in some way, you will be able to find your way through this heartrending situation. My best wishes to you.