The great thing is that you have the insight to grasp what's going on here and, miraculously, you seem to have turned out quite normal. I've seen this situation where the outcome was less healthy and the child's life was ruined. Basically, you are close on becoming an adult dealing with a child. As that becomes clearer, I hope you'll be fair enough to yourself to decide this is not a child you are going to adopt.

She and your father had and have a poor relationship. Your mom consented to that. It's not your problem to solve. With the age difference between your older sibs and you, has it ever occured to you that you may possibly have been conceived to fill precisely the role you've been filling.

I don't know a whole lot more to tell you that you haven't already figured out yourself. That's a good thing. As I think you don't need me to tell you, your mom will be focused on guilting you, probably, for the rest of your life. She's too old now to create another person whom she can appropriate. You're it, and she's going to let go about as willingly as a starving dog gives up a meaty bone.

I think you're too smart and too healthy to let your future be completely destroyed. But beware of having it nibbled at by letting her extract all kinds of small concessions out of you. These you might cave in on to stave off what guilt she might arouse, or in the vain expectation that you can somehow pacify her with a concession here and there. That will end up nibbling away at the quality of your relationship with your man and, someday, with the quality of life your family enjoys.

Having seen how people like your mother can never be satisfied, I would say don't bother doing anything with her that is not what you really want to do. The precedents you set will hold you in good stead, or haunt you, for the rest of your life. Decide to be rather ruthless because you might as well. There's a saying: "You might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb." Take what you want in life for yourself because you won't be thanked for the times you do give in.

It's like dealing with a tantrum throwing child. Any sign of weakness on your part will be exploited. Always regard your mother with compassion, but that does not mean catering to what should not be catered to.

I'm wondering where you will be attending college. No doubt your mom would be horrified, if you went to a school where you lived on campus. However, that could be healthy for the both if you.

When you're a few years older, you may need to have a sit down with your father and remind him that making money isn't the only obligation a husband has.

I knew a family with dynamics similar to yours. The father was always in his office making lots of money, doing big deals. He would hire gay guys to take his wife out dancing on Saturday nights. She would also take her daughter everywhere she went. The daughter went along with all of this foolishness and didn't end up well. Her whole life, she was nothing but companion and caretaker to her parents. It was sad.