I'm not contemplating self-harm. Dying of a drug overdose can be a prolonged, miserable way to go, so drugs for suicide has bever interested me. (There was some recent prison executions that dragged on longer than anyone planned.) But that's interesting that your doctor reinstituted your med regimen.

I haven't much in way of support. I care for my boyfriend close to 24/7. He's my best friend for a very long time. But he needs me to do everything for him, like today I showered, dressed and shaved him. He has worsening dementia, so talking to him can only go so far. Mainly he just focuses on the television. I haven't seen my family in 3 years because I won't leave him. So I feel like a caged hamster running on a hamster wheel. Everyone who has never been a caretaker has expert advice on how there's all kinds of help available. I no longer bother to try and enlighten these people. Getting good help is difficult for people with tons of money.

I have a girlfriend I used to do a lot with. She calls now and then. But she has told me she can't listen to people talk about illness and caring for a loved one because she was caretaker to her family members and doesn't want to be reminded of what she went through.

Sometimes I think I'ld like to get a dog.