When I was using, I started using with a group of gfs, it was fun even tho there were times of hell, it was exciting and dangerous and the people close to me, I loved. I wanted a relationship and for someone to show me that they cared, i still met people and were interested in them...I'd down play my using because I didn't want to scare them off. I didn't use anyone or lead anyone on... I genuinely wanted to meet someone who was into me as much as I were to them...even years after I stopped using, I drank quite a bit because I was sad...i drank because I was sad and wanted to stop the feelings...even tho it made them worse.