Depression is a cold, dark and lonely place, even though I know others are going through similar thoughts and feelings, I am really still alone. No one can completely experience what it is like to be inside the mind of a suicidally depressed person, even when they have been there themselves, as all our experiences and triggers are all different. We can empathise to a certain extent and offer to be there for someone, but no one else can take that pain away.

I no longer believe I have it left in me to reduce the pain; there is nothing left but to remove myself from that pain.
But I can't......because others are relying on me to be there for them.... and so begins again the endless cycle of coping/not coping. Thoughts, researching, plans, actively looking for the foolproof way out.
I want to talk to someone about how I feel, but I can't. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, even those whose job it is to share that burden.

When does chronic suicidal ideation become a mental health crisis? I don't know the answer to this question, I have been here many times before and have always (so far) got through it... who's to say I won't this time? I don't want to be seen as the woman who cried wolf.... so I shut myself away and cope as best I can until it passes. But there will come a time when it won't pass, when I can't shut myself away and keep myself safe, when I no longer want to.... despite the consequences....
How will I know when I have reached that point?