Hello to you too, and thank you so much for taking the time to reply and giving me your thoughts, I really do appreciate it.

She hasn't been formally diagnosed, but has admitted to certain things, and behaves in certain ways, and has studied psychology, so I suspect she has some self awareness. Perhaps if I list them you could give me your opinion.

1. She wants a relationship (in fact she left me before because she misunderstood and thought I didn't), but admits that she has a tendency to run when things get close, but really wanted to try not to this time.
2. She has alluded to some past abuse.
3. She hates anything overly gushy, emotional, and romantic, despite sometimes trying to push me to admit my feelings.
4. Even when we lived together she preferred not to sleep in the same bed.
5. She preferred sex to be recreational, and even purely for my enjoyment, and didn't like it if it appeared too intimate.
6. She would have random mood swings, where she'd withdraw and get into a funny headspace, but would recover quickly and apologise if she was rude to me.
7. She would seek male attention, but have no respect for those who chased after her or got emotional.
8. She didn't drink or party much, and preferred a quiet night in.
9. She tried to end things before by just being "busy" or "tired"' but was easily persuaded back. She would later admit that the reason was that she loved being together, but found the time apart in between to be unbearably painful. This was mitigated when we started living together, which she instigated, although that no doubt triggered some intimacy fears.
10. She openly admitted she had strong abandonment issues, and to taking things wrongly as a sign of rejection. This was despite putting on a strong front and appearing independent, and yet also admitting to neediness at times.
11. She also repeatedly said how her thinking was black and white.
12. She had insecurities, and for no reason would say that she was worried I'd get fed up of her or find her boring.

So, despite splitting up, I would like to stick with things and give them a try, for a number of reasons.

She was always open about her difficulties and, despite her moods, was always loving, respectful and kind towards me. Apart from the odd withdrawal we got on great, she was really happy, and often spoke about the future, and wanted me to say I'd never leave her or give up on her and, given the opportunity, I wouldn't, and would stick by my promise to her, as I was really happy too.

One of the reasons we got on so well was because I was not the needy, clingy type, who would chase after her. In fact she said that I was the only person she knew who didn't react or get bothered by her moods, and the only person who really understood her. Plus, I'm the first to admit I have my many flaws too, but she was happy to accept me for who I am, although sometimes she'd say I was a bit aloof and guarded with my feelings. So she'd push for closeness, but then shy away if she got it, but I was used to that and it never bothered me.

The break up was not about any loss of feelings, and more a knee jerk reaction to me getting angry at her. If I'm honest I think she took an opportunity to run. In fact, after the split, she said she thought I was losing interesting, and so perhaps her leaving was a pre-emptive strike. In hindsight, had I tried to persuade her she would have probably stayed, but instead I told her I didn't want her to leave, but would respect her decision, which came across as not fighting hard enough.

Despite having no ties to the area, and never living there before, when she moved out, she moved to somewhere virtually walking distance from where I live.

In the one conversation we had about reconciling, her only objection seemed to be the same as before, in that she really misses and enjoys the time we spend together, but hates the time apart. When I suggested taking things slowly, she got snippy at me being "cautious".

So, she seems to still have the same feelings, but feels conflicted. I genuinely understand her reasons, but feel I may have added to her caution and confusion, by trying to be understanding and taking things slow. Most people would see this as being patient and considerate, but I know from experience she would easily read this as possible rejection.

Funnily enough it would be easier if she told me to get lost at my occasional attempts to reach out, Like I said, I'm not one to chase, and believe in respecting someone's decision, leaving them alone, and moving on. However, when someone reaches out, and tells you how much pain they're in to be apart, but can't quite walk over the line, it's hard not to want to try and help them get there.

I also think I made a misstep in saying I'd give her space, as she didn't ask for it, and was just backing off, which may have been temporary. Either way, she got angry at that, which now makes it even harder, if not impossible for her to reach out.

So, ideally all I'm looking for initially is some help in overcoming that blunder, and the best way to open the door and get her to communicate again. At least that way she can say if she really doesn't want to try again, as in the past she's always been able to tell me that without worrying that I'll make a fuss about it.

Thanks again, you have helped. The usual advice is to make no contact and leave it to her, but that just seems a bit passive aggressive and manipulative, especially with someone with abandonment fears, as it's like trying to play on those fears. So, given that I'm quite thick skinned, I guess I'll drop the odd casual line, to let her know I'm still there, and she can either respond, ignore, or tell me to get lost and leave her alone.