You know, I don't hold it against people not to help me so much. If there's not enough in it for them, they're not going to help. I probably wouldn't help someone if there wasn't something in it for me either. Fortunately for most, there's something in it for me: sometimes it's money, but usually I just want friends and people who at least think I'm good to work with if they don't like me.

Although, I couldn't make friends to save my life, so there you go.

Never thought I'd have the capacity for love either. Maybe I don't. I sometimes feel that maybe my relationship could be boiled down simply to me trading sexual favors for emotional support. I can't imagine a guy giving a crap about me unless they were getting something in return. Even then, why would anybody give a crap about me?

I guess I come across as cold or unempathetic sometimes because I have a tendency to use people maybe? It might just be as innocent as I'm nice and pleasant to be around so maybe I could make a friend. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.