I've been thinking deeply about this, and I don't think I've healed. It was a deep emotional wound, not only because it happened but also because of the reaction of my family. One morning I broke down sobbing and told my mother what was happening, telling her I just couldn't go to school. She (always with the tough love) said "you're going to school, and that's it".
My brother closest to me in age, thought I was silly, he didn't understand why I was upset (he has zero empathy, I love him, but he's missing that chip inside himself).
So, to a young 10 year old going through a "tragedy", the lack of support made me feel that :

- My feelings don't matter, are invalid or wrong
- My view on things is inconsequential
- Things I'm going through don't matter, I should just focus on others (and everything they're going through - every little thing - matters to me. But I hide anything I'm struggling with)
- I don't matter
- I'll never truly belong in a group of girls

This leads to so much emotional baggage. I keep others at an arms length emotionally. Some people complain that I am not open enough or vulnerable enough. But when I've been open with women in the past they've backstabbed me, misused information and twisted it to ostracize me, or used things I've shared against me. So how can I trust after all this baggage from life??? How can I heal a wound that others keep opening?