You might want to consider that it's your brain that has ruined things for you. Do you have the option to get another mental health worker? I know it's difficult for you to contact your psychiatrist on your own.

The reason I ask is that you sounded quite a bit better the last time you got out of the hospital. Is going IP again an option for you?

By the way, it's fine to come in here and rant, there's no problem; that's part of why we're here - to listen to frustrations as well as successes.