After lots and lots and lots (and lots) of self reflection over the years, I can tell when I'm manic, getting there, or on my way down.
I'm on my way up. No sleep last night, not eating, solving world problems etc...
In therapy today, my t pointed out that I am manipulating my husband, and spinning his words to give myself a reason to be mad at him. Which then leads to very bad things.
For example, in the past the next thing that I would do is cause a big fight, leave for a few days, cheat on him, spend too much money and mix pills and alcohol.

I don't want to live like that.
I want to control this illness, not allow it to control my life.

So, now with a bit more wisdom than younger me, I am aware I'm sabotaging. He is aware I'm sabotaging. My t is aware. My mom is aware. Literally my whole support system is aware.
But, how do I stop?

Opposite action, blah blah blah... I feel great right now. I'm active. I'm happy. And yes, I'm on the verge of big mania.

But those pills make me feel flat. I hate them.

I just don't want to repeat past mistakes. I'll lose my family. I don't get another chance.

Advice?