'little' backstory first

As a kid I only had one friend. Usually played by myself and minded my own business. Also liked playing card with my grandparents, as they used to babysit me from kindergarten to middle school, instead of playing outside with the other children.

even when I went outside to play I always felt like the black sheep, this was also the case in my family whenever we were together ,when for example an uncle had his birthday.

In highschool my sister had some troubles with being bullied and she went on drugs and there was alot of tension in the household. The only time my parents my sister and I were together was during dinner and my older just started picking fights with my parents and when I asked what's the matter i got told to shut my mouth and it was none of my bussiness. This made me just be in my room almost 24/7 and made the small relationship I had with my family even thinner.

I had made some 'friends' last 2 years of highschool. we only had one thing in common which was smoking weed. After i quit college i dropped those friends aswell together with smoking. Now i'm 25 and started another studies last school year.

I've got some superficial contacts on this studies and my trash tier job. I get along fine with people, but when i return home i'm still alone. While i do like being alone, I'd like to do something with another person from time to time. Maybe even find a person i could connect to with on emotional level. I don't know how other people do it and I would like to learn it.