For me life just 'is', there are moments of beauty/joy, there are times of sorrow and struggle. For me when I had depression it was more sorrow and struggle than anything. Most of the time it is a mixture.

Often I feel the most wonder and joy at the smallest things that surprise me - like a customer who is extra nice, or a kind stranger, or riding my bike on a sunny day with the wind in my hair. I suppose in moments like that the world does feel beautiful.

You write of not feeling proud at your graduation, from what you have written here there was a lot of pressure on you at that time, I am not surprised the edge was taken away from you. I wonder how much of your feelings are due to unfair pressures put upon you.

How do you feel when you ride your bike? Do you feel joy from that experience?