Hi all! (or whoever happens to be reading)...

This could be an overreaction on my part, but I'm pretty annoyed with my T right now for invalidating my diagnosis. We have had 24 sessions over the duration of four months. She is an "ED.D" (whatever that is) and is well-versed in EFT and EMDR.

Back story:
After being advised by a highly recommended psychiatrist at a distinguished Boston hospital, I sought out treatment for "Complex PTSD." Relieved to finally have a name for my pain more substantial than "just depression," or "just anxiety", I went about finding a therapist familiar with EMDR.

Today, after a particularly uncomfortable session in which I tried to explain how my fight/flight switch is always on by revealing glimpses into the sort of emotional and (at times) violent abuse that I experienced as a very young girl (sometimes I think there may be some greater traumas too but cannot remember for reasons you all know too well) I was in a delirium of unpleasant thoughts. I broke away from the edge of dissociation when I heard her say "You don't have post-traumatic stress."

...Um, what? I pointed out indeed that yes, I do not fall under all the symptoms pertaining to simple PTSD, but as a result of a childhood from prolonged experiences and the symptoms that I've been experiencing 20 years later...I identify with having C-PTSD.

It got uncomfortable again when she confirmed verbally that she understands the difference between the two types of stress disorders, but that what I experienced could not qualify because it was not abuse in the sense that my life was being directly threatened.

In my head, I'm screaming "F***ING B****, SHUT THE F*** OFF B****!" because this sort of invalidation coming from my Therapist, of all people, was really pissing me off in a way that she had no idea. Instead of voicing my anger, however, I told her in a very calm and collected way that I did not agree with her, prefer to have an actual name of a disorder so as to treat effectively.* I officially shut down after she started her rebuff "it's a matter of semantics..." and she herself seemed peeved.

I hate her. I don't want to have to be uncomfortable again in front of her. She doesn't offer very much in the means of feedback, and is constantly writing while making eye contact with me when I'm sharing. I noticed that she isn't even looking while she writes but her hand is moving at lightning speed even when I'm not talking.

Why is the diagnosis of "C-PTSD" so important to me? Honestly... I'm just so sick of identifying with depression that it is preferable for me to identify depression as a symptom of the C-PTSD versus "simply" being depressed/it seems preferable to "have" a stress "disorder" instead of a mood/personality one. I realize this may offend some people, and I'm sorry. Maybe I'm not even making any sense to anyone besides myself in writing this.

Didn't want to write a novel here. *I came across this (what I found to be) comforting article on healing: Heal Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: Learn To Live More Gently | Psychology in Every Day Life | A Publication By Dr. Deborah Khoshaba

"PTSD is not what is wrong with you; it is about what happened to you."

Should I take a break from this T?