Fear is my big motivator unfortunately. I wish that positive things motivated me, but it's usually fear of losing my job that I fought so hard to get back, losing my relationship, losing my house, etc. Motivation to move my body is much harder. I've gained weight on my meds, and have never liked working out. I get so stubborn when someone want to "help" by telling me I'll die. I've always wanted to die. So it doesn't scare me or have much of an effect on me. I wish I had more tools to motivate myself because I hate being fat. But it paralyzes me--as if it's too late or I'm too far gone to make much difference. I need intrinsic motivation and to keep the locus of control inside myself. Just don't know how to shift the focus to what I want/need/deserve. Self-love should motivate me, but self-loathing takes over. Hard.