So I have anxiety and a tendency to run away from things.

In post #21 of the thread https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...o-cruel-3.html Wolfgaze advises, "A life experience that has a strong emotional impact on an individual's life can leave an energetic 'impression' upon the person, if the emotional energy that was generated was not fully processed and released. This most often happens to us during our youth/childhood whne we are less consciously developed and mentall/emotionally mature."

It is hard for me to pinpoint an experience because I have very few memories of my childhood prior to kindergarten. I was nearly six when the memories start and since my sister is 5 and 1/2 years younger/brother 10 and 1/2 years younger they were around by then. I remember being outside the most. Until we moved to the mountains, we lived in a desert town. I was able to ride my bike and swim prior to kindergarten and was always outside playing. I have vivid memories associated being outside and in nature; I usually felt freedom and peace there. At the age of 5, I remember riding my bike for long periods alone and only feeling lonely during the times I had traveled really far away. Since I was the oldest, my memories of mom are mostly of her taking care of my brother and sister plus spending a lot of time taking care of our very nice house. She was very strict about my bedtime schedule but I don't remember her tucking me in. However, whenever my dad was home, he would read to me and tuck me in. I think she loved me but was just preoccupied with the house and my younger siblings. She was a bit anxious. She was always working, our house did not have dust was very nicely decorated, had the best front and backyard in the neighborhood and we were not allowed to play in most of the rooms inside. I am sure she did these things, in part, for our benefit. When I was a bit older, I was responsible for taking care of my brother (all of the time) and my sister (only when my mom was gone). I do remember that if my brother cried for any reason, it made me feel anxious--like I was in trouble if he was unhappy even if it wasn't my fault. So I just gave him and did (entertained him constantly) everything he wanted because I was afraid of my mom's reaction. I did not treat my sister as delicately. When she was about 7 and we were were in the mountains, I took her "snipe hunting." After darkness fell, I got us 2 paper bags and 2 sticks and told her there were cute little purple creatures that only came out at night. I led her away from our house surrounded by the darkest woods. I was the one with the lantern. After leading her to a very dark place. I ran away with the light. I eventually came back. Yes, I should have been nicer than that....

So I didn't have a troubled childhood and guess I just learned my anxiety because that is what my mom taught via her example. But is was mostly a great childhood....