Wolfgaze says (rephrasing from memory/inexact quote) "look for a pattern from childhood that replays when you are an adult."

I've already figured one out. When my H and I left the military, H stayed home for a long time figuring a way to make a living from home. He wanted to be with the kids when they were very young and is an introvert so he could care less about socializing at work.

I remember feeling anxiety whenever my children were unhappy and would rush to soothe them. I couldn't stand it when they were in unpleasant situations. For instance, during the 1st semester of middle school, one of my children was having problems. Grades plus bad classroom environment with lots of troublemakers. At the time, I was a teacher so I had access to the entire districts classroom curriculum (we were literally supposed to be teaching such and such skill during X week). I knew from the questions I asked my son about what chapter are you on(?) that many of his classes were weeks behind. And I just couldn't ever handle it if my H yelled due to bad grades (My mom yelled too). So I quit my teaching job and homeschooled until I was able to find a better school. H was at home much of the time I homeschooled. I was afraid to tell him whenever the homeschooling didn't go perfectly (I was anxious that there might be yelling). (For example, when video games became a distraction.) I think that same anxious feeling I had about my mom being upset if my brother cried got activated when my H checked in on things. To bad I didn't understand the dynamic when it was happening....