Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia
I can totally understand this & presently I'm doing the same thing now.
I do things to cover for my kids so my H doesn't have a fit & yell.
Now knowing this & seeing this pattern I've started a few yrs ago what am I supposed to do about it?
I've realized that my H has actually taken on this role of my father when I was growing up. I fear him & do things to try & please him just to keep things pleasant at home.
So do I bother to fix it?
Then I wonder what I'm teaching my kids bec they see this pattern I'm sure.
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I think that if I would have recognized that 75% of my anxiety was about me revisiting my anxiety from childhood and 25% was about disagreeing with H; (He also did positive things as well.) perhaps my discomfort/reaction would have been less intense. My children probably sensed my anxiety and that probably compounded the stress for them when they were "in trouble." Also, I sensed that some of my reactions were outsized and therefore buried/did not react to some of them and this compounded the personal pain I felt inside. I realize now that while my H is not perfect, I overeacted to some of his mistakes. Hopefully recognizing our fears and that our Hs and kids are not perfect but still find things we love about them is the answer. Of course, this is easier said than done. I bet we never completely get rid of all our childhood emotional reactions--we just have to recognize them, be patient with the raw feelings and try not to transfer them to others who don't deserve it. I wish I had know while my children were younger....