Going to a pdoc is a good thing to do. Going to a therapist to sort your feelings and make a game plan would also be a great help. It's probably better that you not make any major decisions until you've had some treatment. I can feel the pain in your message and what you've said leads me to believe that you'll probably be leaving the marriage but still see a therapist. Everything will be ok. You'll make a decision that is right for you and there will be pros and cons for each decision but you can make your peace with it and move in the right direction...whatever that is. Good luck.