Quote:
Originally Posted by NEGuyfromBritain
Ever since my last relationship where I caught my girlfriend messaging 10 other guys behind my back I've found it really hard to smile. I know that probably sounds weird but I've done Yoga and meditation and to a certain degree I feel probably 80% at peace. The other 20% is the niggling heartbreak that just won't leave me alone and sometimes manifests as nightmares and panic attacks through the night.
Anyway generally I feel like my mind is peaceful enough not to think about what she done and the past but every time someone smiles at me I feel like I'm really making physical effort to try and smile back, it feels foreign. It almost feels like I'm fighting myself to do it and I can't understand why. In past if someone smiled at me it would be infectious and I would smile back, now I feel like I consciously have to force one out of politeness so I don't look rude or get concerned questions.
Has anyone gone through this before? Is it just a time heals wounds kind of thing? Will it come back again?
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I think that in reality you're not being honest with yourself. The way you describe how you feel and behave right now seems to me that it's like 80% of you is trying to convince yourself you're at peace rather than facing the actual fact that you're still in turmoil.
Nightmares, panic attacks, the inability to genuinely smile and feel true joy in the moment speaks more loudly that you're grieving, hurt and likely depressed at the moment.
Don't give into the idea that pretending you're at peace with what she's done. It's called denial and it's only going to keep you from truly healing and moving on. True, time does heal wounds like this but not if you keep shoving the truth inward and forcefully trying to convince yourself you're at peace.