I'm sorry you are going through this.
The issue is, this is very addictive. I've been having issues with bulimia for years. Then I stopped, after some therapy and mainly because I got together with my ex. That was ten years, bulimia free (maybe 1-3 times it happened). Now I've started again and I hate it. I want to stop.
It's freaking addictive and not only.
I'm here if you want to talk.