I have those same feelings. i miss cutting sssoooo much sometimes and i haven't done it in almost 2 years. just about every time i shave my legs i break down and cry b/c those feelings and thoughts are so intense and i know how every step of the ritual would go. it is hard but i feel good knowing i don't have to resort to these behaviors i now write when i get the urge to "bleed" myself as i used to call it. i hope you find these feelings passing. just know people are here for you. hugs and hope.