Interesting posting - a little off because you're only reading a synposis. Here are some clarifications - David is not stuck in his environment - he has his escapes - if he wants to get away - he goes fishing for hours or goes upstate camping. He leaves to visit his old buddies. He's not like he's stuck in his environment however the govt is overwhelming him with forms on a daily basis and adds to the frustation, but like he said - he has all the time in the world to fill out every form.
As for crossing that imaginary line - I have not crossed that line per David's words because I respect and love him not to do that. I will not invade his space unless he wants me to be there. You must understand that the shut-out happened within 24 hours after he received a 30-page denial letter and a denial letter from Allsup (all in one day). It was all a shock to me - one day we're fine and next - he shuts me out. Yes it did hurt however I got up and I'm standing on my feet.
All David wants is the recognition from the US govt that he served and he was injured during and from his service and he's very hostile and angry at how he's being treated and feels helpless. Him not being to work because every Federal job he's applied for - they've denied him frustates him more because they're denying because of his pending disabilbity. With each denial, all I could tell him was dont act on their level - he's above and beyond the VA and continue to fight. And on other point of our relationship - I fell in love with david for him - I knew about his living arrangements and everything else and I didnt fault him for it. A relationship should be based not primarily of things and power - you come together to be there for each other throughout life. It's not a corporate merger or acquistion or government- it's two homo sapiens loving and supporting each other. There's nothing wrong with asking loved one to lean on your shoulder once in a while. Frankly, your opinion stated is why the divorce rate is increasing because most are viewing relationships and marriage as the corporate world and approach them as a struggle of power once they are married or together. One should not view a relationship in that manner and if your spouse or loved one doesnt have the strength to pull through - you offer theirs. Drawn from the military sense of brotherhood, if your comrade is injured, you go back to get him and you sometimes have to be their body because of their injuries. Though I am not in military, I share the same value whether it be my loved one or someone else. Furthermore, David's grandparents' marriage was not power struggle nor a vaccum and his grandpa was a POW in WWII and not once did his spouse take a vacation from their relationship (she fell in love with the person he was despite his mental and physical injuries) because he couldnt work and he too had PTSD and fought to get his disability. We had a conversation over Thanksgiving where she said she loved her husband despite it all and I said to her - as I do with your grandson. I understand that love doesnt conquer the demons but to know that there's that one person who loves you for who you are - no matter what you've done, how many diagnoses you have, your financial status - they love you for YOU... They dont judge you or run from the door when problems arise. I view David's grandparents' marriage as a marriage I would love to have. I have all the patience in the world to wait for David to regain his confidence because my life will still continue and move forward in the meantime.
Looking back - my hurt was a cloud for me however it was for a moment. My viewpoint was foggy and I felt alittle lost and was reaching frantically for answers but now I've realized that I have to stay strong, continue my goals, and be whatever support David wants at this time. Yes it hurts to be apart but the bond is still there and we know where we stand with each other.
So that's how I view my circumstance - if some would see life beyond themselves and stop being egocentric - our society as a whole would not be as it is now and for the last century however has declined rapidly lately. We're too ego-centric and a throw away society - a society of cowards - we throw away our loved ones and others in orphanages, on other relatives, mental health facilities, nursing homes, the streets or just walk away. "Taking a vacation from and taking of your business" - I'm sorry but you dont abandon your loved ones when they're down and handle your business - you're there and you let them know you're there,yes business is as usual however they are important and when they're ready,and when they want you to help - you're there. This situation has not deterred me from obtaining my master's and I continue to work, so I'm taking care of business without the vacation. And now I'm glad to pay someone for me to unload my daily frustations with life matters. Because it clears my mind and prepares me to take on what life brings my way. It's also a healthy way to deal with all that happening with David and to receive professional advice on how to approach this situation in the correct way. This forum helps me to unload and obtain knowledge from people who have the diagnoses David has or loved ones who are going or have gone through what I'm facing now.
Never have I offered advice to David because I'm not qualified to do so and it is not my place - I only tell him that I love you and I'm here if he needs me.
Once again, I'm only here to understand what going on with David from a psych prespective so I can be supportive in the right way - the way he needs when ready and not to "fix" him.