Yes, I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist, hopefully it goes well.

I had doubts about my marriage ever since we got married. She's a great person, caring, loving, and respects me. I care about her, I want her to be happy and have a good life. But I never felt like I could treat her the way she should be treated, like how a couple in love treats each other. I loved someone else when I married my wife thinking that maybe I'll forget about the other woman one day (big mistake). I have never been able to forget her, even after 6 years. It wasn't bad at first but it gets worse and worse over time. To the point where you look back and reallize that you made a huge mistake, feel like a complete loser for not pursuing who you love.

I would rather be rejected by someone I loved than to "almost" had her but never "had" her. You know what I mean? I'd rather be hurt and then I'll forget about them then to reallize that you could have had them. So, I'm left with a lot of blank lines that needs to be filled.

For example, I thought about her occasionally during our marriage so I would look her up on FaceBook so maybe I could find a reason to stop thinking about her or just to snoop around. (I did this with another woman and it worked, I stopped thinking about her because she was married). Jeez, I absolutely was unable to shake her off my mind. So, I told myself to stop looking her up on Facebook so I could forget about her, but about a year later, I would find myself in the same situation, I just could not resist looking her up on Facebook. So, I looked her up and found out that she's in a relationship and it is just the worst situation to be in.

My mind started to take me back before I got married. I get flash back when I slow danced with her, she held me so close, I could tell she was so nervous she could barely talk. Then my mind would take me back when we were at a party and she tried to talk to me (she was alone) when I was with my girlfriend (current wife). Some of the images in Facebook, my mind would convinces me that these are the times when she either found out that I got married or when she missed me. She was the most beautiful person I've ever, most popular person anywhere she goes (because she's pretty and funny). She's like the most perfect, wholesome person ever.

These flash backs just sucks the air out of your lungs. Deep depression sinks in, and the thought of another man with her feels like a big giant hand choking your neck. You just want to hang yourself. This voice tells me that I am the biggest loser in life, that I need to die because there is no reason to live in this world. You've lost everything in life, you have no friends, you don't love your wife, and you are miserable. You feel like you were born with the short straw, born to lose, fail, and miss out on everything, and it is the truth.

I believe my marriage has been in trouble but not as bad, I'm just unhappy. I am annoyed with my wife about a lot of things. I don't feel passion for her and I don't have romantic feelings with her. We don't ever have sex and I always feel like I am obligated to do it. You know I hate thinking about my wife this way and I feel terrible but I just find myself unhappy with her and our marriage. Our kids is just about the only happiness in my life. I love my children dearly, I like playing and talking with them, but I shut down when I talk with my wife. I feel terrible because she deserves a lot more than me. I believe she is also stuck because it would be more difficult for her to find a suitable person. She would have to work more if she was with someone else. I just wish that I had ended our relationship before it go staretd but I do not regret having our two children, they are good for the world.