One son, 38, married with children has had for his own piece of mind to drop me as an unnecessary sack of turmoil and baggage that he will no longer respond to. I raised him solo as a single mother - I was a teenager rife with every single battery and assault against my soul when I had him. I was a runaway, a teenage bride, I struggled but loved him dearly, promising self I'd never venture into the same terrirotires as my oppressors, and raise him with love - whatever it took.

There were a lot variances in the raising of him that were unavoidable - simply because I did not know better and there was nobody to teach me what was what about nutrition for example. I breastfed for 3 months, then put him on a cereal and that did him no favors. In addition I went to work when he was just a small toddler maybe 3 and this was very traumatic for him. Not to mention his father who was a fcker of the worst kind who played psychological games to get back at me - through our son. and it all just permeated my son's mind, heart and soul. Fastfoward - he has 5 kids and he's a truly amazing father - but he blames and blames and blames me to no end. Then we don't speak. I don't want to push or get in between him and his wife so I keep silent. And there it is silence. I had an epiphany that simply he wants nothing to do with me in full tradition of my family of origin who would just cut each other out and never speak to each other again. And he's carrying that legacy. I've tried and I don't want to be that person who pushes too much.

And wouldn't you know that he will bring up the BPD and make it a poisonous arrow straight to my heart. Just to hurt me. No empathy. Just to sort things out and make sure I know that he despises me for what I am and what I've got and there's zero sympathy so stop waiting for it.

And so, I stopped. A long time ago when I picked up this vibe from him. It's uncomfortable and yet there it is. Something to recognize and maybe discuss - the elders with adult children who've shunned them for not measuring up or being all that the offspring would have wanted them to be but couldn't.