again thanks for your replies and input ~
yea it goes deeper, It just bothers me so much that i can hold nothing outside of my head in private. i just feel totally raped inside. i have an appt today with my T .. we can discuss this issue. Sometimes i think he needs help more than me. And ..by the way .. he a large part of why i am in therapy. . because he blames everything on me .. nothing is his fault so to speak .. it must be your mentally ill (his words) ... yea lots of stuff in this marriage..thats for real.