I can feel myself 'growing up' in this process. I can sense that I am being nurtured and cared for and taught and that I am being given what I never had. A parental figure. An attachmebt figure. I am learning what secure attachment is all about. We are doing this together.

I am not sure whether you realised when we stated that we would be doing this so implicitly. I know I stated this what what I needed but your responses in the early days lead me to believe that you weren't planning on this, to this extent. But I think that you have seen it work for me, seen me grow, seen me becoming me and realised that it is working. It is helping.

See how I no longer bring you as many gifts. See how I no longer need to leave my pebble with you. See how I no longer need to leave Mr Bramble in your room. I know I can and will still do these things if I want to but I don't need to anymore.

See how I can just go ahead and say that I need a hug. See that I can trust that you will reply to my emails. See how I can bring things with me easier now. See how I even forgot to wear my coat the other day.

These are all huge, huge things. I asked you this week whether you were still there, but not because I thought you weren't. I asked you because I felt safe asking you, because I knew what the answer would be.

Believe me when I say that we still have a long way to go. Don't undermine that, please. We still have plenty to do, to experience, to talk about, to share. I still have plenty of work to do, things to show you, topics to bring up.

But we are getting there, I can feel it now. I still don't want to let you go because that kid inside still needs you, still wants you and what you offer her.

I wonder whether I will ever get to a point where that little girl is me, is integrated and cared for and loved by me to such an extent that she doesn't need you anymore. I wonder if, at that point, I will ever say to you "T, as an adult to an adult, and because of this relationship that we have developed together, I don't want to just walk away from you. I love you."