Okay, I have never been the type to put my business out there, so this is difficult for me, but I need advice from people who comes from all walks of life, to put things in perspective incase we divorce.

Back story - a long one but a good one

I met my now hubs 5 years ago at work. He was my boss and it stayed professional for the first couple years working together. I always found him so hilarious, but meh on the looker level, he was not ugly but he wasn't my 'dream man' either. however, looks were never a big determining factor for me so we started dating. When we started dating I noticed that a friend of mine talked about him A LOT!!! like she would ask me what i thought of him and if i would ever sleep with him, well come to find out she was dating him too. I never disclosed my status with him to her, but i did confront him about it. I understand we didnt say we were only to see each other, but i expressed that I was not okay with him hooking up with me if he was with any one else. He chose me, he told her to kick rocks and we were fine. great actually, until the female friend of mine had a hunch that we were talking and starting digging around. We were dating for 7 months exclusively at this point, but he was my boss and work relationships were not tolerated, so he broke it off. I was devastated, but it made sense. This break up lasted a few months. we went out for a weekend and ended up getting back together. This time was different. The female friend was no longer working with us and we were happy and our relationship was good.

Then the time came that he was being sent to another office in a different state. He asked would I come along and I agreed. He traveled to the new state 3 months before me and I visited once during that time. My visit there was odd and i could tell that something was not right. Come to find out a female had been coming on to him and he was enjoying the attention. So when i got back home from the little visit he broke it off again!!! this time i was done. i was so over the drama and back and fourth with him that i didnt want to ever see his face or hear his name.

BUT during my visit there I found a great job and a new place that i put a deposit on. I considered not moving, but i was so excited for a new city and i didnt want him to ruin that for me. So i moved there anyways. I started my job and I began dating other people. I was trying new things. i dated men and women and found a woman that i was really into. This was new for me and scary. Being Gay in my family brings shame and I was scared, but she had not come out either yet, so for us it was nice. we were trying new things together. But he came back into my life and things were wonderful, so her and i broke things off and he and i were back on.

Things were moving fast and he explained all this love he had for me and how sorry he was before. he told me that he wanted to be with me and only me and treat me right and I went back, but not only did I go back, we got married. Everything was great at first, we were so happy and communication was good.

BUT then after seven months of being married he told me he had an affair the SAME WEEK we married. I was crushed, of course. I was hurt, naturally. The other woman was someone he came in contact with daily, and the worse part is be befriended me and we had plans to have coffee.

I was so mad, but because of the children i didnt want to do anything based on emotion. It has been nearly a year since he told me about the affair and we are in couples therapy. Which therapy helps, but sometimes when triggers came up in therapy our marriage would suffer.

I am bothered by everything he does and i find myself never wanting to be around him. I have no desire for him and sex feels more like a chore than an intimate connection we once shared. I have been one foot out the door since he told me and i dont know what to do. Is it worth another shot?

I feel like no matter what this is a lose lose. I had what I wanted, which was him, and we have all our 4 kids together, it would crush them to tear them apart, but what about me? Do I really need to be unhappy forever?

Since he told me about the affair he has been nothing but transparent and honest, that i know of. He seems full of remorse and reminds me daily that he would do anything to make it right. I am just so angry that I cant let that anger go and it is only destroying us.